No, it’s not the privacy issues that no one understands or the fact that Mark Zuckermoneybags shouldn’t be THAT much wealthier than me just for screwing over somebody at Harvard and taking their idea. Ok, I don’t really hate it…I do enjoy updates from friends, friends from the past and family. I just hate certain posts.
Specifically:
The “vaguely horrible day” status update. Status updates like “no better today”, “ugh” and “why me?” without any details…begging us to ask what’s wrong so they can be slightly less vague with their second response. Just tell us you have a headache, don’t act like you have an inoperable brain tumor and chemo isn’t working, for crying out loud.
The “my life is awesome, no seriously awesome, like so awesome I shit rainbows” status update. He posts about sitting next to a fire and acts like it’s so life-affirming and incredible on a metaphysical level that it makes you wonder how you’ve been sitting next to fires incorrectly for so many years.
The “picture of my food” person. If you’re traveling somewhere exotic and you’re eating camel tail or aardvark nose or something no one’s ever seen, I’d love to see it. But I could care less which Applebee’s appetizer you picked to pair with your Bud Light.
The “must reply to every single one of my friends’ updates” poster. It doesn’t matter what anyone posts about, they MUST reply with something, as if the Facebook globe stops spinning if they don’t comment on every status update and picture. STFU ONCE. It’ll be ok.
The invitation guy. No, I don’t want to help you raise a barn or harvest pretend beans on a fake farm. And if I wanted to be in a mafia, I’d join the real one.
The gamer. “Frank has just scored 1,000 points in a game of WasteMyLife!”… “Frank has just scored 500 points in “HippoMania!” all the way down the freaking page, for hours. Nice job creating the newsfeed, Facebook. Now I understand why this person can’t find a job.
That’s all for now.
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